I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
