This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
