The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
