half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
