So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
