his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize