My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
