You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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