the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
