I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
should my penis look like a turkey
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
