So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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