OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
