coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
