you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
