You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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