My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am one with the molecules
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
