We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
