his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize