How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
