things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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