I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize