why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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