My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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