Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
