I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
