Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize