I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
