yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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