I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
