i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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