I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
