Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
