It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
