No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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