he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
