We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
