I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
