i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
