Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
