That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
