pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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