she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
