i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
