shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
