I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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