her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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