If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
