Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
