evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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