they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
