Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my being single is dangerous.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
