so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
