how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
