She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize