I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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