you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
