you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
