Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
