I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
