I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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