She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
