I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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