I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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