Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
