if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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