he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
