exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize