Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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