i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
