Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The air taste purple.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
