You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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