dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
