Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
