Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
