i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
