I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
