...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
