You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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