I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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