32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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