my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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