oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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