there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
