Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
