He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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