when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
