Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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