The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love accidental penises.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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