Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
