So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
